I feel so stupid. He actually tried to lie about it. I had bloody proof...and the evidence was bulletproof and he still tried to lie about it. Maybe its cos Its bin pretty obvious that I'd been gullible in the past...I wasn't gullible though...Just didn't want to believe it was over then. What hurts the most is not just the fact that he betrayed me...but the fact that when I did end it..he didn't fight. BT...he didn't fight it. He just accepted it...am i not worth fighting for?? In all honesty, i think that's what's hurting me the most. He didn't apologize...He didn't say anything...he didn't give a damn.
I, at my weakest moment, called him and wanted him to lie to me...tell me he didn't do it. I wanted to believe it....But he didn't even take my calls...I probably called him over thirty times...I hate that I am so available to him... BT ...you know
me...i'm not insecure...i mean i do get days wen i feel not that fabulous but why on earth did i call him back? Why was i so desperate to hear his voice when he had hurt me so much and didn't give a damn...Why was i desperately chasing after such exquisite pain?
Maybe im attracted to him cos he doesn't want me anymore... Maybe that insatiable hunger for his attention is the reason for my irrational desire. Im scared BT...I haven't been single in centuries...I'm also a bit embarassed...When I bump into his friends at parties...or mutual friends and they ask how he is...I fake a smile and say "he's good mehn"...I can't believe its over...and i can't believe i'm so weak...This is my first heartbreak...I hope its the last...I always thought I was strong and could face anything...but the past few days have been hell...I can't stop thinking about him...and the sickening thing is I want him back...I hate what he has done and how he has screwed with me but I actually want him back...I am not calling him anymore....But its actually my pride that's caused me to make that decision...not my will...i wish you were here so you could talk some sense into me...cos im becoming a stupid girl. I miss you...
~Truffle hugs and cherry kisses~
Gourmet Truffle
2 comments:
i can relate so much to this.. not at this moment in my life but omg its like i've been exactly where you are before. i hope you're better now. i know its not easy.
x
lol...thnx...im a bit better...ill be fine eventually. wats killing me the most is his not reacting...please tell me it doesn't take centuries to get better...thnx so much deedee brighton
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