Does no mean no?

Hello people! I am once again sorry for the abandonment. Blame it on the exams...have been studying my butt off. Trust me, if money grew on trees, I would dedicate my entire time to sharing my musings with you all. But I thought I'd take a break from the studying to chill with you guys....

Q came to spend a weekend with me at school...He booked a hotel nearby where he would stay. It was interesting. I was worried it was a bit early to do this but I figured it would probably be a good idea to uncover whatever skeletons he has before I get involved. It was very chilled...hes very affectionate, mature etc so when he asked me to come see him at his home I thought what the hell...maybe I'll know more about him when I see him in his element. So I went. Beforehand, I had stressed that he would have to sleep on the couch because I wasn't ready to share a bed with him just yet. 

Upon arriving at his apartment, I met his three flatmates who were friendly. so we watched a few movies...watched funny vids on youtube and then we both started pretending to study. fifty minutes into the pretence, we started talking about religion and I was really surprised when he admitted that he felt religion was "bullshit". His argument is that there is alot of politics (and corruption) amongst religious leaders. Now I'm not even gona lie and try to make out like I'm some kind of mother teresa or something but I agreed that there may be too much "politics" and shit in the religious world but, ultimately, I believe in the faith and the teachings behind christianity. etc...It escalated into a heated debate as he started showing me videos on youtube showing strong links between biblical stories/teachings and older pagan traditions. 

I can't remember how it started now but I think th

e intensity of the argument made us a bit hot and bothered and soon enough we ended up seriously making out on his bed. As we were kissing, I felt his hands purposefully moving up my dress and promptly moved his hands away. When he realised he wasn't getting any nookie that way...He started telling me that I was a good kisser and that I have nice lips..how soft i am etc...I won't lie I was v turned on but I told him I wasn't "ready". Anyways after some unsuccessful gropes and ish he stopped and said "babes don't worry, I'm your man now...I'm not goin to hurt you. I won't think any less of you. I know you're a good girl already."

I was almost persuaded. But I stuck to my ground and gave him some speech about how I didn't wanna rush and stuff...so we stuck to just making out. However, I did compromise and did not make him sleep on the couch that night.lol. 

Now I'm treading on very sensitive ground right now but on my way back to school, I started to think...why exactly did I not sleep with him? I mean at first I came up with generic answers such as: "I don't sleep around like that" "I have morals" "I need to wait to make sure he's for real" "You can't just give it up just like that" "He won't respect me" "Im so much better than that" etc

But when I thought really hard and decided to be real about why I didn't...it all boiled down to one thing: FEAR...fear of what my friends would think...fear of what he would think...fear that if I did give him my body, he may leave me and I'd end up feeling stupid and used. That was it: fear. Don't get me wrong, I do respect morals and all but I just didn't do it because I care too much about not being "that girl" who sleeps with a guy after only a month. I'm not loose or anything but I am 99% sure he is a good guy who genuinely

 wants to be in a long-term relationship with me so its worrying that my wanting to maintain a good image was the only reason for not having sex with Q. I'll admit, the next morning, I was glad I didn't because it would have been rather early. I like him and dont wanna spoil things by rushing but in the heat of the moment it was just fear that stopped me...

I wanted to know if anyone feels the same or has similar thoughts on this. Have fun with it guys. I am open to all views and I am v sure I will get comments on the value of abstinence...or maybe not (who knows) but we'll see. It's just my honest opinion. Have fun with it guys. I love and miss you BT!

  

                              

                             Truffle hugs and cherry kisses

                                                   Gourmet truffle.x

The Effin Nerve!

First of all I am sooo sorry for the neglect...School is not easy at all...but soooo much has happened...well not that much but enough to blog about.

First things first I think I can safely say that I am almost completely over the ex! Yayyy!!! How do I know??? There are these two Alicia keys songs that just bring on the waterworks all the time cos I can more than relate... Ive cried everytime I've heard it even before we broke up because the lyrics hit too close to home. Listen to "The thing about love" and "where do we go from here"....Geez i am such a loser when i listen to them...I always bawl my eyes out...Anyways, I listened to each song a zillion times last week and I didn't even feel a lump in my throat. *victory dance*...I actually cannot believe it!!! Thought it would take ages but it didn't however I must confess that it must have something to do with my being distracted by this very appealing guy...lets call him Q. We've been on a couple of dates and the brother is fine and mature and very down to earth...and I think I'm falling for him...BT do u think its a bit too early? what do you guys think?? I mean I know relationship gurus talk about taking time after a break up to "discover yourself" and all that ish but I already have a good idea of who I am and I already know what went wrong (on both sides) in my last relationship...+ Q is very different and refreshing. As cliched as it sounds, I feel like I've known him for ages. We talked about everything and I didn't have to censor my thoughts on whatever we discussed and even though I'm comfortable with him, there's still that sexual tension between us....so hot...lol

anyhoos...besyds Q, thers two other guys who are interested in me...One is really funny but i don't like him like that + he has a reputation for doing money runs...that can be a good thing for some girls but I don't like wahala o! The other one, I met at a party...he looked really good and everything and when he walked over to me to introduce himself, I was slightly intrigued....except when he leaned in to talk to me...the stench coming from his lips nearly killed a sista! I was so disappointed and turned OFF! how could something that looked so good..smell so BAD...ugh! anyways...I still gave him my number...(I was tipsy) maybe he was having a bad day...But his attitude reeks just as much...Can you imagine the guy came to visit me in school and had the nerve to tell me "guys like me don't come around often so stop fronting"...Damn skippy, guys with breaths like you  definitely do not come around often...okay enough bitchin...so for now Q is it...

anyways this wasn't the main reason for this post although I managed to write an essay before getting to my point...I have to tell you what happened last week...So there was this party in london and a few of us went. At the party, my girl frend introduces me to this guy. and he seemed nice enough and was hitting on my friend. After the party, he came home with us... That's three girls and him... So we were chilling in the living room...and gisting...and we drank a little more. I made some small talk with him but that was about it. So at about 5am I went into my friend's bedroom and passed out on the bed because I was really tired....I fell into some deep ass sleep...I don't know how long i'd been sleeping for but I woke up to find out I wasn't sleeping alone. Whatever was in the bed with me had its body pressed against mine. I froze and was a bit confused and a little scared... I was even more horrified when I realised that the person next to me had managed to put his filthy hands into my bra and was touching me....The fucking nerve! I rolled off the bed and pushed him with all my might off the bed and immediately left the room....

I didn't tell any of my friends about it...They noticed I was acting weird but I didn't feel like talking. I'm a bit embarassed and confused. I'm so glad I didn't have too much to drink. I just shudder at the thought of what else the filthy bastard would have done if I hadn't woken up that instant. Or worse, what if he'd done more when I was asleep. I really don't want to know...anyways as if that wasn't enough...the asshole had the nerve to add me on facebook. I'm actually shocked. What should I do?? I have a good mind to rain all sorts of insults on him...but im not sure. I haven't done anything. What to do?? Can you imagine?!! 

Bt its okay...Im alright...don't worry...I didn't suffer any pschological damage. Im just mad and cannot believe he does not have shame. hissss....What do you guys think?? I love and miss you BT!

                                                                       Truffle hugs and cherry kisses

                                                                       Gourmet truffle