Thursday, May 7, 2009

Does no mean no?

Hello people! I am once again sorry for the abandonment. Blame it on the exams...have been studying my butt off. Trust me, if money grew on trees, I would dedicate my entire time to sharing my musings with you all. But I thought I'd take a break from the studying to chill with you guys....

Q came to spend a weekend with me at school...He booked a hotel nearby where he would stay. It was interesting. I was worried it was a bit early to do this but I figured it would probably be a good idea to uncover whatever skeletons he has before I get involved. It was very chilled...hes very affectionate, mature etc so when he asked me to come see him at his home I thought what the hell...maybe I'll know more about him when I see him in his element. So I went. Beforehand, I had stressed that he would have to sleep on the couch because I wasn't ready to share a bed with him just yet. 

Upon arriving at his apartment, I met his three flatmates who were friendly. so we watched a few movies...watched funny vids on youtube and then we both started pretending to study. fifty minutes into the pretence, we started talking about religion and I was really surprised when he admitted that he felt religion was "bullshit". His argument is that there is alot of politics (and corruption) amongst religious leaders. Now I'm not even gona lie and try to make out like I'm some kind of mother teresa or something but I agreed that there may be too much "politics" and shit in the religious world but, ultimately, I believe in the faith and the teachings behind christianity. etc...It escalated into a heated debate as he started showing me videos on youtube showing strong links between biblical stories/teachings and older pagan traditions. 

I can't remember how it started now but I think th
e intensity of the argument made us a bit hot and bothered and soon enough we ended up seriously making out on his bed. As we were kissing, I felt his hands purposefully moving up my dress and promptly moved his hands away. When he realised he wasn't getting any nookie that way...He started telling me that I was a good kisser and that I have nice soft i am etc...I won't lie I was v turned on but I told him I wasn't "ready". Anyways after some unsuccessful gropes and ish he stopped and said "babes don't worry, I'm your man now...I'm not goin to hurt you. I won't think any less of you. I know you're a good girl already."

I was almost persuaded. But I stuck to my ground and gave him some speech about how I didn't wanna rush and we stuck to just making out. However, I did compromise and did not make him sleep on the couch that 

Now I'm treading on very sensitive ground right now but on my way back to school, I started to think...why exactly did I not sleep with him? I mean at first I came up with generic answers such as: "I don't sleep around like that" "I have morals" "I need to wait to make sure he's for real" "You can't just give it up just like that" "He won't respect me" "Im so much better than that" etc

But when I thought really hard and decided to be real about why I didn' all boiled down to one thing: FEAR...fear of what my friends would think...fear of what he would think...fear that if I did give him my body, he may leave me and I'd end up feeling stupid and used. That was it: fear. Don't get me wrong, I do respect morals and all but I just didn't do it because I care too much about not being "that girl" who sleeps with a guy after only a month. I'm not loose or anything but I am 99% sure he is a good guy who genuinely
 wants to be in a long-term relationship with me so its worrying that my wanting to maintain a good image was the only reason for not having sex with Q. I'll admit, the next morning, I was glad I didn't because it would have been rather early. I like him and dont wanna spoil things by rushing but in the heat of the moment it was just fear that stopped me...

I wanted to know if anyone feels the same or has similar thoughts on this. Have fun with it guys. I am open to all views and I am v sure I will get comments on the value of abstinence...or maybe not (who knows) but we'll see. It's just my honest opinion. Have fun with it guys. I love and miss you BT!
                             Truffle hugs and cherry kisses
                                                   Gourmet truffle.x


aloted said...

first time here and i kinda see where u r coming from..

i am all for abstinence and waiting till marriage..i dont think it was only fear that stopped u..i think it was also all those things u listed above and maybe more.

i dont want to go into too much stories...but my advice is take your time in this matter.

sex was intended for marriage by God.


Gourmet Truffle said...

Thank you! yh im def gna take my doubt bt it was just fear...bottom line. i do value morals bt then nd ther...that was all that stopped me.

BSNC said...

yes take your time o.. when you are ready you will know..

hope you exams were okay.

Anonymous said...

believe do not wana be caught dead taking sex advice from someone who is yeah I'ma jus keep ma yap shut...good shut though....

Gourmet Truffle said...

BSNC thank you....yes i will def take things more mehn i thot i was strong like stockfish but no...jus one touch and see as i dey melt. im still doin exams o! they r

Chari LMAO...its fine ure entitled to your opinion. u may

LusciousRon said...

You know what? If a guy genuinely cares about you, it doesn't matter if you had a nookie on the first night or not, he will not treat you any less.

However if you are not so sure, it is better to wait.

Vera Ezimora said...

Well, honestly, I'm an advocate of celibacy, although I know for a fact that it is not half as easy to do as it is to say. That being said, it is only natural for fear (of rejection) to be your compulsion for not having sex. Hey, whatever works.

sweetness said...

haha same script different cast
babe i feel u
its amazing hw all guys come up with da same lines nd moves
always rmba dat u define who u r

Lolia said...

Sweetness true story! same story, different cast...

I'm all for waiting until marriage hun...Nothing bad has ever come out of that as opposed to everything that can go wrong and everything you feel when you don't...It's difficult though...Trust me, I've been there...But if you stick to what you believe {which is why the fear is there to begin with} I'm sure you'll be just fine x

CaramelD said...

Uncertainty is what generally holds people back. If you take that intimate step and the guys hurts you, it will burn 10 times more. It's a hard decision for sure and only you will know when it feels right.

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